Risque Jokes - If easily offended DON'T LOOK

Cromwell · Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:41 am Post subject:

Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside. The pump assistant, who knows nothing about golf, or Tiger Woods, says "Good morning!"...... Tiger nods, and bends to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket.... "What are those" asks the attendant.... "They're called tees, they're for resting my balls on when im driving" says Tiger. "Bloody hell!" says the attendant, "BMW think of everything, don't they!"..................

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Frank · Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 11:57 am Post subject:

SPARKYS RUDE MAGIC PIANO PART 1

Link

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Frank · Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 12:00 pm Post subject:

SPARKYS RUDE MAGIC PIANO PART 2

Link

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Channel H · Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 1:45 pm Post subject:

my song for pam7

dildo song
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Pam7 · Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 2:01 pm Post subject:

(

the clue is in the Katy Meluauruauauaurur Thread pmsl!)

Katy'sClan · Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:13 pm Post subject:

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter,
the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.

No matter what;

metal,

wood,

stone,

anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king,

"If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly .

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas,once the princess touched them, they melted.

He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red .

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.

And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

M&M's of course.

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking??
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Be careful whose toes you step on today because they might be connected to the foot that kicks your ass tomorrow"

Frank · Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 10:29 pm Post subject:

OK GIRLS, JUST FOR YOU

FRENCH RUGBY PLAYERS CALENDAR

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Channel H · Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 10:41 pm Post subject:

Frank..

where is December..i can only see 11 bods.

but i can see some nice balls

Frank · Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 12:04 pm Post subject:

Fancy a scrummage with that lot ?

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Frank · Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 10:22 am Post subject:

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.

"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "what is happening?"

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "It's only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams.

"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"

"Not to worry," says St.Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo."

Shaking her head, the old lady says, "I can't do this. I'm off down to hell."

"You can't go there," says St. Peter, "You'll be raped and sodomized."

"Sure" says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!"
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shorty · Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 10:45 am Post subject:

numberplease · Posted: Fri Oct 26, 2007 2:15 pm Post subject:

Brilliant Frank!

Frank · Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 5:50 pm Post subject:

The two cows

A farmer had a brown cow and a white cow, and he wanted to get them bred, so he borrowed his neighbor's bull and turned it loose in the pasture.

He told his son to watch and tell him when the bull was finished.

After a while the boy came into the living room where his father was talking to some friends.

"Say, Pop", said the boy.

"Yes", replied the father.

"The bull has just screwed the brown cow!".

There was a sudden silence in the conversation. The father asked his friends to excuse him for a moment, took his son outside and said: "Son, you musn't use language like that, especially in front of company. You should say that the bull 'surprised' the cow. Now go and watch and tell me when the bull 'surprises' the white cow".

The father went back inside the house.
After a while the boy came back and said "Hey, Daddy!".

"Yes, son, did the bull 'surprise' the white cow"?

"He sure did, Pop! he screwed the brown cow again!"
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Frank · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 4:02 pm Post subject:

X RATED PARROT ( FILTHY LANGUAGE)
DO NOT PLAY THIS IF OFFENDED BY FOWL LANGUAGE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTXQnt0qOv4
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numberplease · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 4:41 pm Post subject:

pedpolly · Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 8:30 am Post subject:

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess darling, I used to be a hooker"

He says "That's alright dear, your past is your past but I must admit I find it quite erotic, tell me about it"

She replies "My name was Nigel and I played for Wigan"

Carol · Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 9:06 am Post subject:

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bettyboop · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:18 pm Post subject:

A little girl goes to the barbers with her Dad and stands next to his chair eating a muffin while her Dad gets haircut.

Barber smiles and says "your're going to get hair on your muffin"

"I know" she says "I'm gonna get tits too you dirty old b@startd"
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Tango Bunny · Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:01 pm Post subject:

Love it Betty
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$Christmas countdown banner$

tonyW · Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 12:46 pm Post subject:

Over the last month I became the victim of a clever scam whilst out shopping.
Simply going out to get some bits and bobs has turned out to be quite traumatic.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you! Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good looking 18 or 19 year old girls come over to your car
as you are loading your stuff into the boot.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windowlene,
with their cleavage almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip,
they say "No" and instead ask you for a lift to another shopping centre.
You agree and they get in the back seat.
On the way, they start having sex with each other.
Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you,
while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on January 4th,
9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th,
three times just yesterday, and very likely
again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.

Please pass this on so that nobody misses out.